top of page
Search

When "Quitting" isn't "Failing"



There were multiple factors that contributed to me learning early on in life to associate “quitting” with feelings of failure and shame. That’s probably fairly common for most of us, to associate that word with negativity. One of the biggest factors for me was getting married and then divorced, at a young age.


Quitting shouldn’t feel so wrong. If we’ve genuinely weighed our options and determined something isn’t worth the investment of our time and attention anymore, and we’d be better off quitting, then why does it feel so bad? I still get anxiety at the thought of quitting ANYTHING. Even a book I’m not enjoying, or food that remains on my plate when I’m not even hungry anymore.


I was thinking about this recently, as I was mulling over some emotions I’m having about my music and writing hobbies and whether or not I’m “good” at them and what it means to me, one way or another. I’m not thinking about quitting them, but I do have a little voice that whispers in the back of my mind that it expects that I will eventually. I don’t know where that little voice always comes from, but I’m desperately afraid of it being right. So afraid, that I beat myself up when I don’t stick to the specific practice regimens I have set up. If I deviate from my plan, even a little, I get scared I’m sliding into the “quitting zone.” The irony is that I stress myself out about it so much that I completely demotivate myself, which heightens the chances that I’ll quit eventually. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.


I go through this little mental wrestling match with everything I start, including relationships. In the 20 years I’ve been divorced, I’ve battled a vicious cycle: Either I wouldn’t commit to having a relationship because I was afraid of failing again, or I would decide to commit but then I wouldn’t admit it when I made a mistake and leave when I should, because I was afraid of failing again. Ironically, I was still failing, either way.

Usually, the only thing I’ve actually failed is myself, when I’ve made decisions based from a place of fear. I don’t do myself any favors by continuing to do something just so I won’t feel like a “quitter.”


If I’m full and I keep eating because I don’t want to waste food, I’m still wasting it if I’m eating it it when I don’t need it. If I keep reading a book I’m not enjoying because I don’t want the time I already put into it to be a waste, well now I’m just choosing to double the amount of time I’ve wasted. The same goes for relationships - whether I’m in a relationship or not, if I’m making choices about that part of my life based on a fear of failing, I’m wasting my time by not LIVING my life.


It occurred to me not to be afraid of quitting if the situation calls for it. Or even if it doesn’t call for it - I get to decide how I use my time and live my life. In fact, I should be more afraid of NOT quitting, in that context!


The connotation associated with “quitting” is subjective. It doesn’t have to mean “failure.” It can just as easily mean “wiser,” and therefore, “adapting” based on a revised mindset.


 
 
 

Комментарии

bottom of page